i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
