I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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