I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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