Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
