My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Randomize