Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
