I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
