it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
