Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Randomize
