my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
