dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
