it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
