listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize