Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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