She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
