He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
