I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
