Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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