Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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