i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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