Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
