This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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