the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
