A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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