Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
