Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize