Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Randomize