Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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