i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i would punch a child for taco bell
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
