I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
