We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
