wakey wakey hands off snakey
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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