Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
