Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize