you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize