we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
