you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
