Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
