I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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