Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
