I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
