all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
The adults are the big ones right?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
