It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
