if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
