He had one of those small greek statue penises
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
