Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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