What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
