After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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