I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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