It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
