non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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