I'm laying in your front yard are you home
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
The uberlube is also flammable
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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