Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I love having hate sex.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
