Your dad touched me again.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
we're making bets on your personal life
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
