kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
