are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
