Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
