I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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