Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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