You're my little dorito
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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