New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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