he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
