when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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