do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
