At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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