belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
