There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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