If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
