Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
