Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(612): View more from Minnesota

that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch

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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.

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(614): View more from Ohio

My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex

(1-614): View more from Ohio

You and your mom would make an amazing tag team

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(941): View more from Florida

CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.

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(505): View more from New Mexico

I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets

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(561): View more from Florida

I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.

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(240): View more from Maryland

Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?

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(440): View more from Ohio

I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life

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(775): View more from Nevada

I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven

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