I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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