I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
