after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
