I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
