She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
