i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
