I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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