I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
