yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
