Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
