Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
