Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Too much gin, very little bucket
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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