Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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