Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
this is an emotional support booty call
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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