Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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