i barfeds in our rink
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
The best revenge is premature balding
no you cant smoke seaweed
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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