Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
