My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
