last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
When did angry sex become our thing?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
